its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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