My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
