Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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