i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
