i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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