i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
