Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
