I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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