"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My vagina just recognized that song.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
