i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
