I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
