I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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