I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
