She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
