If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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