I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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