HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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