We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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