The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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