I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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