My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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