does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize