dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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