After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
