walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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