Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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