Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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