how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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