why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
