That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
