We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
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I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
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My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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