do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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