She's JV to your varsity
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize