Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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