I hate your face
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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