Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize