maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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