Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
