My first STD was from a foam party
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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