apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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