Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
