no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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