I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
