Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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