i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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