Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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