Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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