Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
