just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
