I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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