just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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