i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
