I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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