From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
