How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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