It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
