you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
