so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
