I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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