Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
