Nicole vs. Life
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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