I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
