Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Im part way to drunk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
