He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
