I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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