Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
